[Subtitles by danielsangeo]
Wait, no. Don't panic.
This is a math problem.
If I stay here, I die. If I'm somewhere
not here, I may or may not die.
Therefore, EVERYONE ELSE MUST DIE TO
MAXIMIZE MY PROBABILITY OF ME NOT DYING!
Okay, I'm jumping ahead some steps in the
logic, but I'll figure out the proof later.
THE TRAINS WILL RUN ON
TIME! It didn't even brake.
...has its highlights! I
may be Public Enemy #1,
but all that pales compared
to keeping the train schedule.
Arrival times are the word of God here.
So that should've bought
me at least--AT LEAST--
five minutes before they
catch up with me again, right?
I mean, I'm sure they'll find a way to blame
cops that have been sliced in
two on me, and not the train.
They'll write up in their report that
I have katanas for hands or something.
I think they're going to blame me for
everything. That's how this got started.
They're obviously looking for some sort
of a cult leader of that complex I was in.
They must not have found him,
but I was on the top floor, therefore
I'm in charge, so I'll do just fine.
At least that helicopter's gone.
It IS, isn't it? I don't know why they
gave up. They probably need to refuel.
This is really a shit route, actually.
I'm stuck in a canal next to a train line.
Gee! Where could I be going next?
MAN #1: GO ON! GET GOING!
IF YOU DIDN'T WANT PEOPLE DROPPING IN FROM
THE SKY, YOU SHOULD'VE LOCKED YOUR CEILING!
What's going on?! That
thing was about to kill us!
Is everyone here stupid?!
Eh, I'm not getting through this way.
Oh, damn! I think I know what happened.
I bet that alien was that
guy's slave. Aaaah...
I guess that makes me the asshole, then,
but how was I supposed to know that?
I mean, isn't that even safe--
If I wasn't pressed for time, I would've
confirmed that was load-bearing,
but being a fugitive, I'm breaking the
rules. That's kind of the whole point.
Fuuuuuck... These things are here, too?
OH! It has an inner mouth! That is just
like "Alien"! I don't remember THAT!
Oh, human skull. That's nice.
Yeah, I don't think Yorick was digested
slowly by some xenomorphic hell-mouth.
That would've changed the tone of "Hamlet".
That's a boiler or something.
A literal ton of scrap metal just
lying around like the bullets.
[distant gunfire]
Oh, great. Gunshots.
But they're not at me. That's so weird.
[singing]
It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood...
[singing]
Won't you be my neighbor?
Nope! You're not a good
neighbor. Too much baggage.
[gunshots]
Yeah! You're the sort of neighbor
I was expecting, full of
your own opinions about me.
Too many neighbors. This is
a bad neighborhood, really.
Even in the worst
neighborhoods I've lived in,
the cops never shot people
and just left the bodies.
That's a sign of falling real
estate prices right there.
I wish these people lasted longer;
the more they're shooting at THEM...
...the less they're shooting at me.
All right--BADA BOP BADA!
HE WASN'T EVEN LOOKING AT ME! HE WAS
LOOKING OFF TO THE SIDE SOMEWHERE!
Officer Multitask to the rescue!
That surprised me. These
cops keep me guessing.
RADIO VOICE #1: Station 12, do you read?
Yeah, this is Station 12. What do you want?
RADIO VOICE #2: This is Station 8.
We heard 12 go down and out.
RADIO VOICE #2: Surgical strike units
are targeting railway stations.
RADIO VOICE #2: Repeat: Civil Protection
is coming down on underground stations.
RADIO VOICE #2: We're already
getting refugees from 9 and outlying.
RADIO VOICE #2: Looks like we're--
RADIO VOICE #1: Station 8, do you copy?
This radio looks 50 years old.
RADIO VOICE #1: Station 8, are you there?
RADIO VOICE #1: We have
confirmed reports of manhacks.
RADIO VOICE #1: Repeat: they're
filling the underground with manhacks.
I don't think I'm transmitting.
Going with this 50s vibe,
I'm imagining manhacks are
Robby the Robot models holding machetes
and making chopping motions
as they walk towards you.
Oh! How should I handle this?
Yeah, what the fuck? These
are militarized cops.
Look at this. What is
this substance? This is--
I mean, that's all cops do
here, right? Shoot things?
YOU'RE IN VIOLATION OF AIRSPACE!
YOU'RE IN VIOLATION OF GROUNDSPACE!
DAMN! LOOK AT WHAT YOU
MADE ME DO! STOP RESISTING!
Are those barrels really--
Wow! I didn't think that would work!
Intercept! INTERCEPT! Nope, I'm gone.
Looks like I'm getting kicked off the force.
Do I get a 21-rocket salute?
Yeah, looks like I do!
What's going on? What country
gives its police guided missiles?
That's literally more
firepower than RoboCop.
I don't recognize their uniforms either.
I would've remembered the Gas Mask Police.
So let's recap: The Tripods have invaded;
we didn't fucking clean up the
existing aliens, apparently;
we've enslaved the electric ones--
although we've even managed to fuck that
up because we've made them PERSONAL slaves,
which is...totally irresponsible...
And the police must've been
Capped--that's why they have the helmets--
and they shoot at everything.
They don't even look.
So what's the point of even having police?
Why not kill everybody
and cut out the middleman?
Aah! Why do people do that?!
WOMAN #1: Keep going, friend. That station
was raided but there's others up ahead.
I'm sure they'll never find them.
WOMAN #2: I'm going to stay here
in case any others come through.
WOMAN #2: Gotta keep the railway alive.
Yeah, this is what's
known as a fool's errand.
Everybody's dead.
Everybody. No one's coming.
Why are you in a prayer position? Is
this the way to Mecca or something?
Stopping people who are determined to get
themselves killed has never been my thing.
If I heard a hundred gunshots
next to my escape route,
I'd assume it'd been compromised.
[Civil Protection chatter]
That guy in orange is...miles from here.
Great! There's the reset switch!
I had my one minute of respite where
nobody knows exactly where I am
because they're all dead, now
the trail's white hot again.
They're... I'll have to make
them...double-dead the next time.
Nope! I'm not hanging around for this.
CP #1: Sweeping for suspect.
OH! They're dropping flaming barrels
and I'm considered a suspect!
Even if I dove, that
could've collapsed my lungs!
I mean, maybe... That was on the surface,
but water's not that compressible.
My suit would've helped but--
Dah! You're confusing me!
I can't do the math for this one in my head.
I'd need to know the
kinetic energy of the barrel
and how much compression my suit
would've blocked. Without my helmet...
Dammit! I don't know if you
would've killed me or not!
You guys are assholes! That's
the only definitive conclusion.
How are all these barrels blowing
up? They must have fumes inside them.
Yeah, I'm right here, everybody...
Send every man, woman and
child who can fire a gun.
Oh! Another box of bullets! Geez, I'm flush!
RADIO: Remaining units contain.
They must issue these with the officers!
No wonder they were lying around,
they must've dropped them.
...coming out of the woodwork.
"Yeah, welcome to the force. Here's
your badge. Here's your box of bullets.
"Now, don't come back
until you shoot somebody."
Okay, let's try this barrel theory.
HO-HO-HO-HO! Captain
Combustion reporting for duty!
I don't get it. This shouldn't be
happening. I mean, all of this,
but the liquid-to-fumes ratio must be
stored in the most unsafe way possible.
[Civil Protection chatter]
Christ! Come to provide some theories
on the barrel combustion dynamics, huh?
I don't think you're qualified.
But yeah, the cops seem to
be using them on purpose.
They must've been
modified to combust easily.
So they're retrofitted to
be a poor man's explosive?
They don't seem that poor. They
have gun nests and missiles.
Maybe the idea is to make it easy to kill
everyone with anything anywhere at all times.
Everyone must die. Before lunch.
Hey, there's a light on in there.
I thought this was the end.
I don't think I should drink the water here.
OHH, SHIT! THEY'RE TRYING
TO EAT THE BARRELS!
PUKE SHOWER, JESUS CHRIST!
Okay, slow--WHOA WHOA WHOA
WHOA WHOA whoa whoa whoa...
Yeah, this is about what I should
be expecting out of life, huh?
Actually, most tongue
baths are a bad proposition
when you don't know the parties involved.